GABRIEL (29) sits squeezed up against a window. Next to him, causing said squeezing, is an extremely overweight AMERICAN WOMAN (55), and next to her sits her equally obese HUSBAND (55). Both seem to be Italian-American, and speak the kind of broad New York accent that is all but extinct now. The man plays black jack on the in-flight entertainment system while his wife reads the international herald tribune, which was handed out for free in the boarding area. Her large newspaper spills over into Gabriel's lap and face, but oblivious to this fact she suddenly lays eyes on an article headlined "European countries switching back to dirty fuels". She snorts loudly.
WOMAN
Hey, Frank. Frank.
Hey, Frank. Frank.
Frank is engrossed in his game of black jack, his chubby, sausage-like little fingers dancing over the entertainment system console.
MAN
(not paying attention)
Hmm...?
WOMAN
Look at this. Everybody's trying to get away from the oil now, you know. Now they're using more and more coal in Europe. Frank, quit yer playing and listen to me!
MAN
(stops playing)
What?
WOMAN
Why am I the only one who gets this, Frank? Why is it that no one gets it? We HAVE the solution to this so-called "energy crisis". We HAVE it already! You just use garbage!
MAN
Garbage?
(not paying attention)
Hmm...?
WOMAN
Look at this. Everybody's trying to get away from the oil now, you know. Now they're using more and more coal in Europe. Frank, quit yer playing and listen to me!
MAN
(stops playing)
What?
WOMAN
Why am I the only one who gets this, Frank? Why is it that no one gets it? We HAVE the solution to this so-called "energy crisis". We HAVE it already! You just use garbage!
MAN
Garbage?
Both of them pronounce garbage like "gawbage". It sounds nice.
WOMAN
Garbage! I just DON'T UNDERSTAND why I seem to be the only one who gets this! We already HAVE all the energy we need, sitting right outside our houses! You just take your garbage and use that instead of all the other fuels! Everything can be fuel! You can take this paper [she shakes the international herald tribune up and down violently, causing it's pages to almost knock Gabriel's glasses off his face. she is oblivious to this] and throw it in a car's engine! Just throw it in! This paper, Frank! And run a car off it! Why nobody does this, I don't get!
MAN
Well, we can't switch to garbage 'cause then we'd run outta garbage in no time.
WOMAN
Pfft! We'll never run outta garbage!
MAN
Oh yeah, we would - and then they'll start charging you for garbage!
Garbage! I just DON'T UNDERSTAND why I seem to be the only one who gets this! We already HAVE all the energy we need, sitting right outside our houses! You just take your garbage and use that instead of all the other fuels! Everything can be fuel! You can take this paper [she shakes the international herald tribune up and down violently, causing it's pages to almost knock Gabriel's glasses off his face. she is oblivious to this] and throw it in a car's engine! Just throw it in! This paper, Frank! And run a car off it! Why nobody does this, I don't get!
MAN
Well, we can't switch to garbage 'cause then we'd run outta garbage in no time.
WOMAN
Pfft! We'll never run outta garbage!
MAN
Oh yeah, we would - and then they'll start charging you for garbage!
The woman sits silent in horror for a second, staring at her husband.
WOMAN
They can't charge you for garbage!
MAN
They will, just wait. You'll see.
WOMAN
Well I ain't payin' for garbage. But it would still be better than oil!
MAN
(trying to resume his game)
There ain't enough garbage anyway...
WOMAN
(yanks his arm)
I'm tellin' ya, there's enough garbage! You know where they'll start doing this? In Australia. They're always first in Australia. I'm tellin' ya, Frank, soon somebody in Australia will figure this out and start putting garbage in their cars and then you'll see!
MAN
(resuming his game of black jack)
Yeah, those Australians are really somethin' with the environment.
WOMAN
(to herself)
I ain't payin' for garbage though...
They can't charge you for garbage!
MAN
They will, just wait. You'll see.
WOMAN
Well I ain't payin' for garbage. But it would still be better than oil!
MAN
(trying to resume his game)
There ain't enough garbage anyway...
WOMAN
(yanks his arm)
I'm tellin' ya, there's enough garbage! You know where they'll start doing this? In Australia. They're always first in Australia. I'm tellin' ya, Frank, soon somebody in Australia will figure this out and start putting garbage in their cars and then you'll see!
MAN
(resuming his game of black jack)
Yeah, those Australians are really somethin' with the environment.
The woman flips pages to the entertainment section.
WOMAN
(to herself)
I ain't payin' for garbage though...
And then we landed. God bless America!
2 kommentarer:
jag anar stordåd
Come on, be honest: you totally missed this! Where else can one find such gems of absurdity if not in flights in or out of America? I have a few of these gems to share with you!
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