Sedan: imorse var jag på förhandsvisning av nya Indiana Jones-filmen, den med kristallskallen (eller som den borde heta: Indiana Jones och det Poänglösa Nöjesparksäventyrsåket). Innan filmen började serverades frukost, och jag hamnade bredvid en mycket gammal dam, som berättade något för mig jag inte visste...
INT. PARAMOUNT NEW YORK HEADQUARTERS - EARLY MORNING
GABRIEL (29), a dashing young man with a hint of dandy to him, sits at a table, about to enjoy a bagel before going in to the screening room. The bright lobby where said breakfast is served is full of people - all belonging to a screening group - doing the same; munching away and waiting to be let in.
Approaching Gabriel is VIVIEN (at least 110), a very old and tiny woman resembling a raisin with arms, in a flowery dress, clutching a small handbag and an umbrella. She sits down next to him.
VIVIEN
Mind if I sit here?
GABRIEL (with mouth full of bagel)
Hmmfffphrbl..?
VIVIEN
Thanks sonny. I gotta get some food. Don't step on my umbrella!
Mind if I sit here?
GABRIEL (with mouth full of bagel)
Hmmfffphrbl..?
VIVIEN
Thanks sonny. I gotta get some food. Don't step on my umbrella!
Vivien throws her bag and umbrella on Gabriel's feet, gets up, and returns moments later with a plate full of sweets.
VIVIEN
So what's your name sweetie?
GABRIEL
I'm Gabriel.
VIVIEN
"Gabriel"! That's my father's name. He's dead now. It's a good biblical name!
GABRIEL
Yeah... My father wanted to call me Abraham...
VIVIEN
Even better! Can you get me some coffee, sweetie? Baby coffee, only this much coffee [she holds her fingers about one hundredth of an inch apart from each other] - decaf! - and the rest milk, OK?
So what's your name sweetie?
GABRIEL
I'm Gabriel.
VIVIEN
"Gabriel"! That's my father's name. He's dead now. It's a good biblical name!
GABRIEL
Yeah... My father wanted to call me Abraham...
VIVIEN
Even better! Can you get me some coffee, sweetie? Baby coffee, only this much coffee [she holds her fingers about one hundredth of an inch apart from each other] - decaf! - and the rest milk, OK?
Gabriel - dandy-esque not only in looks but also in manners - brings Vivien her horrible beige concoction.
VIVIEN
Thanks sweetie. I'm Vivien. As in Vivien Leigh. But my last name's not Leigh, you see...
Thanks sweetie. I'm Vivien. As in Vivien Leigh. But my last name's not Leigh, you see...
Gabriel waits for some kind of follow-up comment. There is none.
GABRIEL
O-kay...
VIVIEN
Why can't I remember seeing you around at any screenings?
GABRIEL
Oh, I spent the last three months in Berlin, so I haven't been attending any for a while.
VIVIEN (in ill-concealed horror and disgust)
You're German??
GABRIEL
No, I'm Swedish, I just spent some time there.
VIVIEN
Swedish! A-ha! So you know about the Finns, don't you!
GABRIEL (trying to figure out how to answer that)
Uhmmm... yes..?
VIVIEN
Yeeeees... You know about the Finns...
O-kay...
VIVIEN
Why can't I remember seeing you around at any screenings?
GABRIEL
Oh, I spent the last three months in Berlin, so I haven't been attending any for a while.
VIVIEN (in ill-concealed horror and disgust)
You're German??
GABRIEL
No, I'm Swedish, I just spent some time there.
VIVIEN
Swedish! A-ha! So you know about the Finns, don't you!
GABRIEL (trying to figure out how to answer that)
Uhmmm... yes..?
VIVIEN
Yeeeees... You know about the Finns...
She smiles slyly and begins spreading strawberry jam on a muffin. It crumbles under her shaking fingers. Gabriel wonders to himself if he really does know about the Finns...
VIVIEN
It's because of Genghis Khan, you know. Did you know that? Because of the Mongols! They were the ones that moved to Finland, and it comes from them!
It's because of Genghis Khan, you know. Did you know that? Because of the Mongols! They were the ones that moved to Finland, and it comes from them!
Her muffin reduced to atoms before ever reaching her mouth, she instead takes a sip of her baby coffee.
GABRIEL
Actually, I'm not sure if I do know about the Finns.
VIVIEN
Come on! [She waits for Gabriel to retract this ridiculous claim.]
You know what I mean! What do you think about when you think of Finnish people?
GABRIEL
Moomin-trolls..?
VIVIEN
It's the mark! The purple mark! Come on, sweetie, you've seen the mark... You're Swedish, I know all the rest of you Scandinavians know about the mark.
GABRIEL
I don't know about the mark...
VIVIEN
You're joking with me, sweetie, right? You don't know that all Finnish people have a mark - about the size of a quarter - completely purple, at the bottom of their spine?
Actually, I'm not sure if I do know about the Finns.
VIVIEN
Come on! [She waits for Gabriel to retract this ridiculous claim.]
You know what I mean! What do you think about when you think of Finnish people?
GABRIEL
Moomin-trolls..?
VIVIEN
It's the mark! The purple mark! Come on, sweetie, you've seen the mark... You're Swedish, I know all the rest of you Scandinavians know about the mark.
GABRIEL
I don't know about the mark...
VIVIEN
You're joking with me, sweetie, right? You don't know that all Finnish people have a mark - about the size of a quarter - completely purple, at the bottom of their spine?
Gabriel tries to remember if he's ever inspected the bottom of a Finnish person's spine. He hasn't.
VIVIEN
Well, it's from the Mongols. Of course, as a Finn grows older, the mark fades in color. But it's bright when they're newborn!
GABRIEL
Huh! Whaddayaknow.
VIVIEN
Oh yeah. It's from Genghis Khan. He had it first.
Well, it's from the Mongols. Of course, as a Finn grows older, the mark fades in color. But it's bright when they're newborn!
GABRIEL
Huh! Whaddayaknow.
VIVIEN
Oh yeah. It's from Genghis Khan. He had it first.
Suddenly, the doors to the screening room open. People start scurrying in.
VIVIEN
Indiana Jones! Do you have a seat, sweetie?
Indiana Jones! Do you have a seat, sweetie?
Gabriel nods.
VIVIEN (snaps her fingers)
Shoulda taken a seat! Well, nice talking to you, Gabriel.
Shoulda taken a seat! Well, nice talking to you, Gabriel.
She yanks her umbrella and handbag from under Gabriel's feet. A moment later, she is gone. Gabriel finishes his bagel and goes inside.
Där ser man! Nåt nytt att lära sig om våra grannar i öster. Och filmen? Den var verkligen jättetråkig. En sån besvikelse. Sedan kom Harrison Ford in och satte sig framför mig, och jag försökte tänka vad tufft det var att sitta så nära Indiana Jones. Men det var inte tufft längre! Indiana var plufsig och tråkig och hade dåligt schwung i slagsmålen och taskig timing i replikerna. Då försökte jag tänka att jag satt mittemot Han Solo. Men det gick inte heller, för då irrade bara bilder av de dåliga nya filmerna runt i huvudet på mig. George Lucas, du sabbar allt! Ett värdelöst nytt Indy-manus, och förstörda Stjärnornas Krig-minnen. As...
Jag satt i alla fall mitt emot Detective Rick Deckard. Det är tufft.
6 kommentarer:
Hahaha! Underbart! Vad är the dealeo med alla wackjobs du verkar attrahera?
Dragningskraften finns i släkten.
vadå "dragningskraften finns i släkten"?
"...a dashing young man with a hint of dandy to him..."
Hihihihi.. Keep it modest why don't you?!
Fast det är ju sant!
Eller tja, jag vet inte hur det är med finnar, men japaner har de där märkena när de föds och även mongoler (om man ska tro mina japanska källor).
Ryktet är osant. Indy i dödskaldens rike (som min polare trodde den hette) är ju skitfet ju:-) Nä, seriöst alltså, finnar har inte märket. Jag har inspekterat tillräckligt många bleka bakar för att veta det! By the way, jag flyttar till Berlin i höst, tjohoo. Vi lyckas verkligen gå om varann... Pöss
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