annars tuffar skolan på, och jag är världens bäste lärare. på riktigt, det var en elev som sade det. vilket fick mig att sitta och göra proffstecknet i luften åt alla som kom i närheten av mig de nästföljande tio minuterna. på tal om elever, en av mina klasser ska göra sina slutfilmer de kommande veckorna - utan dialog, max fem minuter långa, och de har ju minst sagt smått, öh, egna idéer om vad de ska klämma in där...
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
GABRIEL (29) sits on a desk in front of about 20 angel-faced teenagers. He's teaching a directing class.
GABRIEL
OK, we have about ten minutes left of class, and I'd like to start hearing about your final film ideas, since you should have a fairly good idea about what you want to do by now. So let's start pitching and presenting, as many as we have time for, and then we'll go on tomorrow. Again, remember your limitations on these films: no dialogue and max 5 minutes runtime. OK, let's see... Clark, let's start with you - pitch your story.
OK, we have about ten minutes left of class, and I'd like to start hearing about your final film ideas, since you should have a fairly good idea about what you want to do by now. So let's start pitching and presenting, as many as we have time for, and then we'll go on tomorrow. Again, remember your limitations on these films: no dialogue and max 5 minutes runtime. OK, let's see... Clark, let's start with you - pitch your story.
CLARK (17), a fast-talking boy in striped shorts and a pink t-shirt, clears his throat.
CLARK
OK, so it's about this girl, right, and she's dating this guy, and we kind of follow their relationship for a while and it's not going so well, like at first they're really in love, but then they start falling apart, you know, and one day the girl sees her boyfriend kissing another girl, and she's all devastated of course, but she doesn't say anything, OK? OK, and then one day she's out walking on the street and this guy comes up to her and hits her in the neck with something, but she doesn't notice it, and so then she goes to the park and feels her neck, and there's a small pin there with a note attached to it, and the note says "welcome to the world of AIDS"--
GABRIEL
ööhhh...
CLARK
--and so now she has AIDS, you know, and so she doesn't know what to do, but then she has this idea, and so she goes home and has sex with her boyfriend, but doesn't tell him that she saw him kissing another girl, and so she gives him AIDS. The end.
GABRIEL
Clark...
CLARK
It's good, right?!
GABRIEL
First of all, it's completely bizarre. And you have a scary mind. Secondly, how are you going to tell all that in FIVE minutes???
CLARK
I don't think that will be a problem at all.
GABRIEL
Clark, I'd need 20 minutes just to properly establish the relationship going sour! And that's barely the beginning of your story!
CLARK
Yeah, but that's 'cause you like to make slow films...
OK, so it's about this girl, right, and she's dating this guy, and we kind of follow their relationship for a while and it's not going so well, like at first they're really in love, but then they start falling apart, you know, and one day the girl sees her boyfriend kissing another girl, and she's all devastated of course, but she doesn't say anything, OK? OK, and then one day she's out walking on the street and this guy comes up to her and hits her in the neck with something, but she doesn't notice it, and so then she goes to the park and feels her neck, and there's a small pin there with a note attached to it, and the note says "welcome to the world of AIDS"--
GABRIEL
ööhhh...
CLARK
--and so now she has AIDS, you know, and so she doesn't know what to do, but then she has this idea, and so she goes home and has sex with her boyfriend, but doesn't tell him that she saw him kissing another girl, and so she gives him AIDS. The end.
GABRIEL
Clark...
CLARK
It's good, right?!
GABRIEL
First of all, it's completely bizarre. And you have a scary mind. Secondly, how are you going to tell all that in FIVE minutes???
CLARK
I don't think that will be a problem at all.
GABRIEL
Clark, I'd need 20 minutes just to properly establish the relationship going sour! And that's barely the beginning of your story!
CLARK
Yeah, but that's 'cause you like to make slow films...
Gabriel and Clark stare at each other. They are clearly operating in separate dimensions altogether. LAWRENCE (18), another student, raises his hand.
GABRIEL
Yes Lawrence..?
LAWRENCE
That story is dumb. That could never happen in real life.
GABRIEL
Thank you Lawrence...
CLARK
Oh yes it can! It DID happen to my cousin's friend! She has AIDS now!
LAWRENCE
No, I mean the second part. She can't give AIDS to her boyfriend. Women can't give AIDS to men.
Yes Lawrence..?
LAWRENCE
That story is dumb. That could never happen in real life.
GABRIEL
Thank you Lawrence...
CLARK
Oh yes it can! It DID happen to my cousin's friend! She has AIDS now!
LAWRENCE
No, I mean the second part. She can't give AIDS to her boyfriend. Women can't give AIDS to men.
Gabriel and the rest of the class stare at Lawrence.
GABRIEL
What do you kids learn in school these days??
LAWRENCE
Hey, my mom's a doctor, I know this stuff. She says as long as I don't sleep with men I don't have to worry.
CLARK
Well you can still get it from someone sticking a pin in your neck.
LAWRENCE
Yeah, you still have to watch out for that.
What do you kids learn in school these days??
LAWRENCE
Hey, my mom's a doctor, I know this stuff. She says as long as I don't sleep with men I don't have to worry.
CLARK
Well you can still get it from someone sticking a pin in your neck.
LAWRENCE
Yeah, you still have to watch out for that.
Gabriel stares at Clark and Lawrence. Lawrence and Clark stare back at Gabriel.
GABRIEL (after a moment, surrendering)
OK, Clark, I look forward to seeing your five-page screenplay covering the good relationship turning sour, the cheating, the AIDS infection, and the purposeful transmission of said disease by next week. OK, who's next? Oona?
OK, Clark, I look forward to seeing your five-page screenplay covering the good relationship turning sour, the cheating, the AIDS infection, and the purposeful transmission of said disease by next week. OK, who's next? Oona?
OONA (17), a shy English girl, stands up.
OONA
Well... my story is about a girl who lives with her parents. Well, one day they catch her smoking a cigarette, so they start fighting about it and get divorced, and then she has to live on the street and then she kills herself.
GABRIEL
OK, that's it, class is over for today.
Well... my story is about a girl who lives with her parents. Well, one day they catch her smoking a cigarette, so they start fighting about it and get divorced, and then she has to live on the street and then she kills herself.
GABRIEL
OK, that's it, class is over for today.
Härliga tider, med andra ord. Nu är det dags för en tonfiskmacka.
2 kommentarer:
Är det verkligen förenligt med god läraretik att öppet visa upp exakt hur dumma ens elever är...?
Johan: Det måste finnas någon rimlig gräns över hur mycket vansinne man måste hålla igen med. Welcome to the world of aids, låter bekant av någon anledning. Jag har hört en vandringssägen som kör på något liknande, tror jag.
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