Shamrock Shake and you don't stop! Keep oon!

Mitt sökande efter Shamrockshaken upphör inte bara för att jag klämde i mig en vanlig chokladshake idag - oh no! Never surrender! Efter lite flitigt letande har jag grävt fram följande shamrockshake-relaterade godbitar.

Först en gammal nyhetsartikel från the Onion...

Sinn Fein Leaders Demand Year-Round Shamrock Shake Availability

March 19, 1997

BELFAST, NORTHERN IRELAND—The Irish Republican Army announced Monday that it will embark on the most aggressive campaign of violence in its history if McDonald's Shamrock Shakes are not made available year-round.

Gerry Adams, leader of IRA political wing Sinn Fein, wants the British to grant Northern Ireland year-round access to minty, delicious Shamrock Shakes.

"The Shamrock Shake is a frosty, minty symbol of all that we hold dear," said Gerry Adams, leader of Sinn Fein, the IRA's political wing. "It is shameful that we as a people cannot enjoy this proud, symbolic beverage any more than one week a year."

"Unless the British government loosens its iron grip on this most Irish of shakes," Adams continued, "the streets will once again run red with English blood."

In addition to year-round Shamrock Shake availability, the IRA called for the immediate release of the infamous "Shake Seven." Imprisoned since 1983 in connection with the bombing of a McDonald's Anglican Apple shake-mix factory in Manchester, the radical Shamrock Shake activists maintain their innocence to this day.

"If fighting on behalf of what one believes in is a crime, then let us all hang," said Liam O'Fachna, the group's leader, from his cell in Birmingham Jail. "Shamrock Shakes forever."

The IRA also demanded that the delicious, Irish-Catholic-themed shakes be available at all restaurants, not just at participating McDonald's. "No single restaurant chain should have control over our delicious, frosty heritage," Adams said.

The Shamrock Shake was banned in Northern Ireland until 1920, when Parliament finally voted to allow its consumption once a year, during the week of St. Patrick's Day. Between 1968 and 1994, more than 3,000 were killed in shake-related violence, including some 350 deaths during the "Minty March" Riots of 1974.

According to Irish legend, the Shamrock Shake first appeared when a statue of the Virgin Mary in front of St. Matthew's Cathedral in Belfast cried a 16-ounce quantity of the green beverage in 1605.

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Ahhh... se sån passion Shamrockshaken väcker! Jag känner den också - och jag har inte ens smakat den... Nästa fynd var att hitta likasinnade undergroundkämpar på nätet: Bring back the Shamrock Shake fortsätter kampen, dag för dag...

När man snokar lite på nätet dyker dock ett mönster upp: alla som talar lustfyllt om shaken nämner också en oönskad bieffekt... eller för att använda det uttryck som oftast dyker upp: "goes in green - comes out green". Tydligen använde McDonalds ett grönt färgämne i shamrocken som inte bröts ned ordentligt av kroppen, vilket ledde till att massa barn fick en chock när de tittade i toaletten och såg en lysande bit kryptonit guppandes runt... uäck!!

"The green thing in your toilet is a goblin who will kill you!"

Okej. Imorgon ska jag vara normal igen. Världsapromiss. Nu ska jag ner till Soundz och dricka en Guinness - den näst bästa shamrockdrycken - som uppvärmning för imorrn. Aloha!